I have one announcement. Erin is putting together a legacy box, or a time capsule for Vaughn. One that can only be done by the people that are here. The purpose is to let Vaughn know what his dad was like. At some time, later in his life, when Erin deems it appropriate, she’ll bring out this box with short letters from us telling Vaughn what we remembered about Mark. Erin may decide to go through it when Vaughn is 10 or 15, but we have the opportunity to give him a priceless gift. I think Vaughn would be well served if we also let him know what his mom is like, and if you know them, his grandparents, but if you have just one sentence to say, please take a minute and write it out. I suppose if Vaughn is anything like his dad, we probably should’ve sprayed this with fire retardant, and maybe made it a little more indestructible.
I brought kleenex up here, now if you’re a tough guy, and you get a little misty eyed, you can use the following excuses. Landscapers, you’re simply evapotranspirating, Mortgage people, if you get misty eyed, you can say you just had a midday price increase and you lost 50 bps.,
Erin doesn’t want a sad memorial to Mark. She wants to hear the laughter that surrounded Mark’s life…, but I have one sad thing to say, then we’ll move on. After all, talking about human emotion and Mark’s inspiriation, while emotional, isn’t necessarily sad, it’s just the passionate part of life, the most important part of life.
This song came to mind when I heard of the accident. If we are to find some meaning in the passing of Mark, then maybe if just one of your relationships heal because of this day, then Mark’s death will mean something and this will improve the quality of your life, so think about your present family and friends that are still alive, Mother, Father, Sons, Daughters, friends.
Reba McEntire was riding at the top of success. Personally, however, her world would come crashing down. A plane carrying seven of McEntire's band members and her road manager crashed, killing all on board. McEntire was devastated. There was a minor controversy over her decision to perform on the Academy Awards a week after the crash. But she appeared on the show to dedicate a song to her fallen band members. During the performance, McEntire was visibly emotional, holding back tears.
This hit, “If I Had Only Known” is a song written to her band.
If I Had Only Known
Reba McIntyre
If I had only known
It was the last walk in the rain
I'd keep you out for hours in the storm
I would hold your hand
Like a lifeline to my heart
Underneath the thunder we'd be warm
If I had only known
It was our last walk in the rain
If I had only known
I'd never hear your voice again
I'd memorize each thing you ever said
And on those lonely nights
I could think of them once more
Keep your words alive inside my head
If I had only known
I'd never hear your voice again
You were the treasure in my hand
You were the one who always stood beside me
So unaware I foolishly believed
That you would always be there
But then there came a day
And I turned my head and you slipped away
If I had only known
It was my last night by your side
I'd pray a miracle would stop the dawn
And when you'd smile at me
I would look into your eyes
And make sure you knew my love
For you goes on and on
If I had only known
The love I would've shown
If I had only known
3 more lines – get ready to read. Unemotional for everyone else
Personally, I want to say that when we were driving home from standing up for Mark and Erin at their wedding, I told Teri, my wife, that it was the best day I had in the past few years, I was so happy that they were tying the knot. I will also say that today is the most important day I’ve had for quite a while, because I want to honor Mark the best that I can, Mark, like my wife and kids, always pushes me to be the best I can be.
On behalf of all of us, I would like to thank Mark’s parent’s and family for making Mark the MAN he was. They did something right, though I don’t know what it was. We also acknowledge people like Erin, his brother and sister, Mary, Pete, Jim and Terry Liska, April, Mike and others who shaped Mark into the man that we loved. To these people we say: “Blessed are they, who leave good work behind. And who leave behind a life that is so worthy of respect” Thank You for Mark.
Mark was generous, Mark was a gentle giant, yet he was known as “the Hammer”, or as he liked to say it, the Velvet Hammer.
Mark was mischeivious without malice, as full of faults as a craggy rock. It’s said that if a personality is like a smooth stone, there’s nothing for us to attach to. It’s the rough edges and prodruding sharp points that endears us to someone and makes them someone we can relate to.
Mark first and foremost has always been a kid
Mark and I had taken my son, Paul to the Bellagio in Las Vegas for Paul’s 21st birthday. Paul and I were walking through the Bellagio casino when we saw a large crowd of people gathered around what looked like a blackjack table. Inside the group, was Mark sitting alone at the table. Mark was playing a new game at the fanciest casino. He was playing WAR. You know, the kids game, where you keep flipping cards up and whoever has the highest card wins? Mark was playing $600 per hand. He was having a great time, and loved the attention.
Mark and I played semi-professional blackjack off and on for a couple of years. I did the card counting, usually 3,000 cards in a 5 hour session, and his only job was to drink, and keep the dealer and the pit bosses entertained and occupied so they wouldn’t catch on to what we were doing. The only problem was that as Mark drank, he got antsy, so he would start to make comments to the dealer about me, saying crazy conspiracy theories about the weird guy over at first base. Before I knew it the count was gone, and we were laughing so hard, we started losing all the money we had worked so hard to win.
We had a group of 6 people at a landscape convention. Mark had gotten into my brother’s hotel room by telling the housekeeping staff it was his room He took the queen size mattress out. he had stuffed the mattress into Mike’s shower, and not only stuffed it, but wedged it in so tight that Mike couldn’t get it out. Mike demanded that Mark get the mattress out and get fired on the spot. Mark wouldn’t go back down, but 3 of us did, and we couldn’t get the mattress out. It was amazing.
I love to travel and go to conventions. At some point, Mark had gotten hold of a Burger King paper crown that they gave out with Kids Meals. When Mark knew I was going to be gone for a few days, or if Mike was going to be gone for a few days, Mark would proudly put on the crown, walking around and saying, I’m KING while they’re gone, then be as obnoxious as he could. In the words of a famous radio host, Mark would run a “benevolent dictatorship”!
If Mark would’ve lived, he would’ve been the crazy uncle or the really cool grandpa.
When we were at a convention in Nashville, Mark and I drove to see my sister in Louisville. It was a rental car, and Mark wanted to drive. Just as we left Kentucky, a Tennessee state trooper caught Mark going down the hill at about 110. He didn’t catch up to us until we were most of the way up the next hill/mountain. He wrote out the ticket, but Mark didn’t seem bothered at all, I mean twice the legal speed limit. I didn’t understand it. As we pulled away from the trooper and just before wecrested the hill, while the trooper could still see us, Mark reached for the ticket, crumpled it up, and threw it high in the air on the highway. His only comment was he wasn’t planning on coming back to Tennessee anyway. He had too many other places to go and people to see.
Mark was legendary!
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Mark, the everlasting.
When Mark was designing landscapes, especially on some of the most prominent corporations in the twin cities, he wanted something that said “Mark Wirkus” to everyone who drove by. Mark decided to start suggesting Buckthorns to be planted in nearly every one of his jobs. It was a perfect Mark planting.
It was invasive, it grew about 10 feet every year. You couldn’t get rid of it, and it had dark berries that birds relished, although the berries had a laxative in them, so the end result was a hundred birds leaving purple markings over every car forever. In 2000, Minnesota banned Buckthorn as a noxious weed, but some of Mark’s buckthorns live on, even at my last house, where he had them planted without telling me. The Buckthorn has since been classified as a noxious weed, it’s illegal to sell buckthorn here, but when you see it, have a chuckle, Mark’s legacy lives on.If they would have known Mark better, they would have classified it an “obnoxious” weed.
Mark the mysterious
I’ve thought long and hard about what made Mark so special. There was something truly different about Mark, something that drew people to him when they first met him, even though he was not always the loudest and most gregarious in a group. It could have been that deep laugh, it could have been that twinkle in the eye, it could’ve been that sarcastic wit, but I think when it’s all said and done, it came down to a sense of self. Mark knew who he was. Mark knew who he wanted to be, and Mark was comfortable in his own skin. That sense of self was pure honesty, and it came across to everyone he touched. Mark’s customers knew that Mark would tell them exactly what he thought. Sometimes, he told off customers in shocking ways that would surely lead to them cancelling our services, but that was rarely the outcome, more likely, he ended up with all of their business.
In January, while Mark was looking for a new job, we saw Steve Sylvester of S and S, we walked over and talked to him. Mark spent about 1 minute talking to him, and finished off with some sort of funny comment that sounded to me like an insult. I held my shaking head in my hands and said what did you do? Mark said Steve’s tough, he can handle it. Mark, went back later of course and Steve hired him after what seemed to be a bad start to getting reacquainted led to him getting the job. How does he do it?
paying his respects today is Steve Sylvester
My brother had fired Mark at least 6 times, he was so frustrated with Mark’s antics. Mark was insubordinate, difficult and questioned authority, Mark got immediately hired back by either Mike or me. How he got us to do that over and over again is a mystery. You could also play with Mark. If you EVER wanted NOT to see him, just call a meeting!, any meeting, the more important, the more likely he was to disappear for a day or so!
Mark was the fastest snowplow operator in the country. If there were any emergency areas, Mark would grab whatever truck he could find and peel out of the parking lot. He would come back with an amazing amount of work done, then the inevitable. The walk from Gary. Steve, you have to see this, if you let this guy into one of my trucks again, I quit. The truck would come back, the plow half off, the axles bent, the rear bumper at a 45 degree angle, the transmission slipping. I’m sure there were chunks of sod thrown up into the windshield wipers. I think Gary quit 3 or 4 times, yet here is Gary paying respects to Mark. Another mystery.
Mark, my son- in law.
One of my wife’s most endearing stories that tells of kids attraction to Mark happened in Minneapolis. My wonderful daughter, Kirsten was 7 years old at the time, Mark was 29. Kirsten was following Mark around saying Mark, what do you want for Christmas? Mark said nothing and walked on, undeterred, Kirsten kept following Mark, saying a little louder, Mark WHAT do you want for Christmas? Mark said I don’t want anything!, Kirsten kept it up, saying again, MARK, WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?, Mark again said, Nothing Kirsten, Then Kirsten said, But you don’t understand Mark, I LOVE YOU! Mark walked into my wife’s office and said “you need to take your daughter back now”
Mark had that effect on kids. Two of the first adult males I informed about Mark’s condition both said “that can’t happen, he’s just a big bear, teddy bear of a guy” If it came across to adults, how much more did children see it. When young kids were around, they saw some neon sign over his head that said “HOG PILE”
Mark the retired thousandaire
We met Mark when he was 26. One of our first trips was to Treasure Island with Rick Anderson. We drove an extended cab S-10 with 1 12” jump seat where you sat sideways in the back. Rick had said something about saving up $500,000 and retiring. Mark from the back seat said $500,000? If I had $40,000, I’d retire, buy a payloader and 5 acres of land, and move piles of dirt all day, I’d make tall piles, short and fat piles, ramps, and even make piles that looked like different animals. I said OK, so what do you do when you’re done making the piles? I’ll take the dirt and move it into new piles.
Mark the friend
The friendship of two men is a nonsentimental, elusive kind of thing, but it can cut very deep. For each of us there were little but important things that were ours alone, and a part of us died with Mark. the world will never seem exactly the same without him; I will cherish the moments we spent together, and he will always remain important to me. I will draw upon him in the future. Because Mark once existed, I will never be quite the same.
Mark – the fearless?
As we think about Mark, there was NOTHING Mark was afraid of. He wasn’t afraid of death, of failure, of success, and he wasn’t afraid of life, he lived life as fast as he could. He rolled my snowmobiles, we traded our motorcycles for a few minutes and as we headed south on 77 over the river, he disappeared from my site. When I caught up with him 5 minutes later, he said hey, your bike goes 115 mph. Mark was always in a hurry to live life. So there was NOTHING he was afraid of? Or was there?
There were 2 things, and only 2 things that at one time, Mark was terrified of. If you know how strong Mark was, then you can imagine an admission like this one was difficult for him to say. Mark would tell us, he was afraid he would be a bad husband, self absorbed, unable to be the perfect husband he wanted to be, unworthy of Erin. He loved Erin deeply.
He also said he really didn’t think he’d be a good dad. He didn’t have it in him. He didn’t believe he could connect with a kid, didn’t know what to do. How do you know you’ll love someone you’ve never met?? I used to tell him what we told our kids when our parenting skills were being called into question.” You know, when you came out, there wasn’t a user manual in a ziploc bag that came out with you when you were born”, we’re doing the best we can.
Was Mark a good husband? A good dad? Did he make the connection? Could he love someone he hadn’t seen?
So it’s no surprise that when we went to Erins a week ago and saw these pictures in their living room I couldn’t stop thinking about them. These hit me like a ton of bricks:
Was Mark able to be the great dad? Yes, here it is, for all the world to see, the eye connection, the open smile on Vaughn’s face, the playfulness, the love. Not only did Mark get it, and lived it, I believe he knew it, and for the two most important questions in his life, did he have enough love for Erin and Vaughn, in his heart when he left us, he knew peace.
Mark, you inspired me, you inspired us, because of you, all our lives will never be the same. There is a hole in my heart for you, a hole I want to keep, because I don’t want to replace it with anyone or anything else.
Your friend forever,
Steve Hoogenakker
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